What stereotypes embody your zodiac sign?

Today is the day we celebrate the cliché.

Each year on Nov. 3, the tried, the mostly true and the oft-repeated get their due on National Cliché Day.

The word cliché, French in origin, was used by printers to describe the cast plates or block prints they used to replicate text and images. It was adopted later by non-printers to refer to stereotypes, repetitive phrases and repeated statements.

As Sagittarius sage Alain de Botton writes, “The problem with clichés is not that they contain false ideas, but rather that they are superficial articulations of very good ones. If we say that the sun is usually on fire at sunset, and the moon is discreet, then we’ll believe it is the last word on the topic. Clichés are detrimental insofar as they inspire us to believe that they adequately describe a situation while merely grazing its surface.”

Today, friends, we’ll be honoring that graze with a little rundown of the most cliché qualities of each of the 12 zodiac signs, from the rage of Aries to the praise kink of Leo, the intensity of Scorpio to the flakiness of Gemini.

Continue reading to learn more.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Aries, You’re a wild, impatient id, with a tendency to pyrotechnics. You don’t so much speak the truth as hurl it at others.

Attention span is shorter than your fuse.

You’re confident despite your absolute clumsiness, and lack of tact. Your charm is similar to a child writing a poem in their own feces.

Conflict, car accidents and the smell of gas make your heart skip.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Taurus: You are lazy, obstinate and self-righteous. You’re incapable of accepting help or forgiveness. You’re weed-incarnate, and prefer floor routines to cardio. You like house plants and often imitate them with your inactivity — but the real prize of your personal cultivation is your illustrious garden of grudges.

The first words you ever learned were “mine” and “more.” Curiously ornate, your general vibe is that of a toddler monarch, swaddled in expensive fabrics and suffering from a mysterious blood disease and an unnatural appetite. QVC purchases are your way to self-soothe. Enjoy your meal al fresco Masturbation, carbohydrates, and show tunes.

Both loyal and lazy, it is you who stays in relationships and positions that are no longer useful.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

Gemini is a superficial flake, constant interruptor, and a taunter who thinks they know more than they do.

On a good day, you are unpredictable. But on the worst days, you’re utterly unintelligible. You find it difficult to maintain eye-contact, finish projects, or operate heavy equipment. Being around someone who is flirtatious and non-committal as well as easily distracted can be both inspiring and exhausting.

You cannot keep a secret. You would be the first to spread gossip if it were possible. You are more interested in the abstract than the actual truth.

Walt Whitman, your zodiac symbol is a man who swings wildly between high and low. Donald Trump is a high-speed cocaine-smoking coyote.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

You live in a weird, sad bird’s nest built from umbilical cords, deflated balloons, stolen strips of your ex’s clothing and the broken kaleidoscopes of other people’s dreams, Cancer.

You are manipulative and moody, as well as delusional. You are a manipulative person, you have rosy-colored rearview mirrors, and your ability is limited to move forward. Your sensitivity is a form of narcissism as you feel that everything revolves around you, or is at least directed towards you. 

You are a poetic person because All of us are able to do this. It hurts you.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Leo, I think you’re a glory-hogging stage mom/child superstar who is obsessed with your own success. You have big hair or a big ego — and probably both. You are the life of the party because you never know when to go home and can’t stand to be alone. You masturbate to your own sex tape and expect to be treated like the celebrity/second-string royalty you believe yourself to be, with comped Champagne, bent knees and kisses on your pinky ring.

You’re selfish and extravagant and cannot bear a bad angle or a supporting role. You only exist if you’re being watched and are only generous if there’s an audience.

Your bluster, your pageantry, and your fear of being average are all masking the real you.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Virgo is a killjoy who carries a holster to hold your hand sanitizer. You consume herbs in the hope that they will prolong your life, but are unable to fully enjoy it.

You are always grumpy and have a sense of existential fear. You are also detail-oriented, and you never seem to be satisfied. You bind your idiosyncrasies into an earth-toned armor to prevent anyone from ever thinking that you are fun or DTF.

You are judgmental and exacting, but secretly you love it when people disappoint because that proves you were right. You are a low-key lover of slumping it in relationships, because if your partner is a codependent, broken trash monster you will never be considered expendable.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Libra: You’re a people-pleasing pushover who maintains the status quo at all costs — and to the detriment of all parties.

You enjoy clean lines, modernist furnishings and sexting. You are more concerned with how things look rather than feel. You’d rather impress strangers than please close friends.

You’re an average cook and a world-class pot stirrer. You feel most comfortable when you are in a relationship, as it prevents you from defining yourself any other way.

You are a chameleon, indecisive to the point of being terminal and nice but never really kind. You are a flirt who is ruthless and unrepentant, but you’re too cowardly for a long period of being single. You’re great at interior design, airbrush makeup and cocktail parties but have no interest in developing your own interiority.

You are a seasoned social climber, who relies on network connections and cheap charms to avoid the actual work.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Scorpio, you’re intense, obsessive, and a little drunk on power.

You are sexually insatiable, and you’re wildly suspicious. An emotional hoarder with a disquieting veneer, you are the aggregate of every crime boss, movie villain, pimp and femme fatale that’s ever walked the streets or lived in the cultural imagination. You believe that ghosts exist, and you can predict and prevent betrayal.

You are a devilish phantom, you steal souls and trade secrets, and you run the show.

You play the long game when it comes to revenge and are the sign most likely to break a heart — and steal a kidney.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

You are an optimist Bon vivant Sagittarius, you are allergic to commitments. You want to have fun at all times.

You fancy yourself a philosopher when, in actuality, your ethos can more or less be encapsulated by a few lines from “Point Break.” You are a pedantic idealist who espouses the merits of freedom while subjecting everyone to your bulls–t.

You’ll take a set of wheels over a picket fence any day of the week and consider venereal diseases, divorce, warrants and bad tattoos the marks of a life richly lived.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Capricorn: You are a punishing, god-complexed capitalist, wearing suspenders, who puts profits above people.

Your ambition is limitless and your ruthlessness has no boundaries. You are proud of your ability to exile, control or deny your emotional side. Reserved and calculated, you don’t act or speak unless you’re sure of the return on investment. If it doesn’t pay, it has no purpose; if it doesn’t last, it has no appeal.

You don’t like the frivolous, the inefficient or the trivial. You don’t believe in ghosts, astrology or second chances.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Aquarius: you don’t have feelings and would prefer to spend your life working on a reality simulator than ever talking to a stranger.

You are drawn to the utter silence of outer space. You are a charismatic cult-leader who is always enthralling. Your interests include loose linens and mind control, as well as experimental communities.

You have a great love for humanity but a strong aversion to social interaction. You identify with Oprah. Your hair is slightly askew. Quirk is your kink. And you’d be first in the line to sex with a space alien.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

You can be described as a combination of a manic pixie girl, a sad-sack poet or martyr with wet eyes, a nihilist wearing a turtleneck, and/or the last person standing at a birthday party, dancing to synth-pop while consuming cheap Champagne.

You’re known for being emotionally fragile and showing up with half a bag at all kinds of social events. You can’t handle the reality of today. Instead, you live in a Teletubby dreamland filled with prescription pills and white lies.

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes combine history, poetry and pop culture with personal experience. She is a talented writer and has chronicled many of her travels as well as profiled a number of artists. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.